Bike racing and cycling is filled with unwritten rules and etiquette. Above all, style is paramount. All else is of little importance. You’re only as good as your last race. I regularly get ridiculed for all my unwitting blunders. However, I know full well that it’s part of the Cyclists’ Code to mock the ignorant.
For those of you who have been holding back on winning races because you just don’t know what you would do when crossing the finish line, allow me to give a few pointers. After you master these important TIPS, it’s off to the Pro Tour you go.
Victory Salute Like A PRO
The Solo Victory
1. Ensure one’s jersey is fastened to the top and shall be perfectly aligned so all title sponsors are clearly visible.
2 One shall take a quick look behind prior to victory to gloat at the peloton’s futile second place sprint.
3. One shall prepare far in advance (preferably in front of mirror) for thee victory salute that shall be unleashed. One shall look 100% confident that this has been done thousand times before.
4. One shall cloak all signs of fatigue at any cost. A war-cry of aggression is acceptable emotion to be displayed.
5. One shall hold the victory salute for minimum of 20 seconds and heed placing hands on bars until soigneur approaches with towel and waterbottle directly before post-race interview.
The Sprint Victory
1. In a sprint finish, one often does not know if the race has been won or lost until centimeters before the finish line. Even so, one’s victory salute still requires to have been thought out and practiced. Preparation is key. Omit training sessions if necessary. Sprinters do not train. It is a sign of weakness.
2. It is preferable that one will cross the line with victory salute displayed well before or during the sprint to the finish.
3. Never will one go past the finish line without having a victory salute for the cameras. This is a sign of humbleness (and mistaken for arrogance) and is as good as coming in last.
4. Again, all signs of fatigue are forbidden.
Let me suggest the following salutes:
The Classic. Two hands thrown in the air over one’s head
The Chin-up. Another classic
The Crucifix. One must use with care. Only for true champions.
The Single Fisted Punch. Notice the slight backward lean and superb posture.
The Handgun. One needs to be sufficiently gifted to pull this off. Reserved for decisive day of Grand Tour on epic mountain top finish.
The Understated Salute. For the truly humble competitor
Thank The Lord. To be used by one of Italian or Spanish decent. Ideally, kiss crucifix on gold chain, trace sign of the cross on chest, look to the heavens and thank God for the courage he’s given on this epic day. Dedication of the victory to one’s teammate who passed away last year is highly regarded.
The Unwritten Rules Now Written: Some simple rules regarding the various victory salutes that shall not be forgotten.
1. Arms are to be 180 degrees straight. If bending towards 200 degrees is possible, even better.
2. Palms are to be pointed outwards to the cameras to show sponsorhip on gloves
3. Always zip jersey to the collar when the cameras are on. No one needs to see this:
4. Again, expression of fatigue is absolutely forbidden. The exception to this rule is when on the junk, do not make it too obvious. A slight expression of pain may be necessary to cover up any suspicion. You see Cadel’s face everytime he crosses the finish line? You know a guy with that much suffering on his face is clean as a whistle.
5. Tears of joy is permitted only if from Italian decent. Otherwise this is not acceptable.
6. Expression of surprise or shock of winning is absolutely forbidden. Multiple Tour stage victories is the only redemption for this.
7. Multiple race victories warrants this to be pointed out.
8. Expressions of childlike joy is largely frowned upon. Garro’s cool though…
9. When you drag the 39yr old Statesman to the line and then pips you at the finish, it is acceptable to raise your arm and bow your head in honor and admiration. You are his subservient domestique and it is written in your contract to make him look good during his final days before Masters racing.
10. Leadout man to salute in celebrating your victory is permitted. Even though he got dropped at the final corner and you had to close his gap, he shall receive a piece of your glory for his feeble efforts.
11. Generally the rules state that you may only raise a single arm up as the leadout man. However, you may display the double arm salute if you let your teammate take the win. As one expert commented, this is the now banned “YMCA Salute”
12. Double points are awarded for the victory salute before the finish line in a bunch sprint
13. A clear indication of who your sponsors are always pleases them. Alternatively, it is permissible to let the world know who’s the real boss if the win was inevitable with or without those pesky sponsors or teammates.
14. If by fluke some neo-pro pips you at the line and you’ve already begun your victory salute, ABORT. Retreat hands back on the bars as quickly as possible and make like it never happened. You let him win – that’s the story and stick to it.
15. Under no circumstances will second place suffice. The only respectable response to finishing second after a 200km breakaway is to pound handlebars in frustration.
Now, go win some races.
images from Velonews (Graham Watson)
{ 37 comments }
Super great post!!!
I like when you said that only Italians could cry, I’t not Italian, I’m Portuguese, and we are alowed to cry too!
Your blog is on top of my favorites!
All the best,
Joao
My blog
In addition to having his jersey unzipped, the picture you ran of Jani Brazkovic was him celebrating second place when he thought he had won. So, make sure you know if you are actually winning or not, or if you are the first person across the line in the fight for the table scraps.
HA! Excellent. But you missed one. When Cavendish won his second stage at the Tour of California, he pointed to his … shorts? Man power? “Tour Down Under?”
It’s photo #2 on this page: http://www.highroadsports.com/news/289-Cavendish-Wins-his-Second-in-California
How does that one fit in?
GOLD!
you forgot the “one armed windmill” victory salute!
Katherine, I think Cav pointing at his shorts means “I’ve won many races, I’m still young and fertile, let’s spread my seed!”
How about the running man (McEwan) or bow & arrow (Flecha) – are these types of celebrations worthy?
How does one deal with the cries of “2 hands on the bars” from commissionaires as one crosses the line in a typical club race (obviously as a precursor to being ‘fully pro’) – is the threat or actuality of disqualification an acceptable sacrifice in perfecting ones victory salute?
Carly, very worthy points you bring up.
1. The “Running Man” and “Bow & Arrow” are trademarks of McEwan and Flecha respectively. These were in the original unedited post until and their lawyers contacted me to have it taken down. I cannot say anymore without a solicitor present.
2. And your question about “2 hands on the bars” orders from the commissaires? Another good point. Club Commissaires will usually let the fine for this infraction slide IF the Running Man or Bow & Arrow are used. Have your lawyer close by.
If anyone has Cadel’s email address can you please pass this post onto him? Aside from some more media training, he could definitely use some of these tips for his victory salutes. He’ll never be a true champion until he gets his technique down.
Ha Gerro!
Too funny!
Practised each one on the turbo last night during intervals and now I have a good idea of which salute suits me best. The wife was very impressed, but confused, I dont think she has ever seen me so pleased with a 3 minute burst!
So what are you thoughts on Kissing the Matrimonial Ring or Rocking the Baby.
Are these out due to being a sign that the mind is not on the job at hand ie cycling and winning?
Do they fit in a sub group of salutes along with Cavos “Do you want to do me, Oh yes you do!”/”Look at My Nuts” salute?
So funny!
Great post… however, pic 12 is actually the infamous, and now banned, YMCA salute.
Ha! Too funny…I just had to add the YMCA Salute into the post. Good eye T
You forgot the fist pump, this is probably as good as it gets, the benefit of this is that this can be transitioned to golf or any other sport of your choosing.
Cav’s salute was much misunderstood. Mick was twittering that day about deciding which colour shorts to wear but that was not it. There is a video post on cycleto.com in which Cav explains that he had a deal with DZ that he would promote DZ’s nuts if he won.
Some of my favorites:
In the parenting salute category:
- Neil Stephens in Stage 17 of the 1997 TdF with a rocking-the-baby motion.
- Carlos Sastre in Stage 13 of the 2003 TdF finishing with a baby pacifier in his mouth while performing the classic salute.
What about the famously annoying Virenque single-finger-kissing-and-pointing salute?
Another classic victory salute would be Lance combing his hair through the finish line as he became the million $ man after the ’93 Thrift Drug Classic. That’s as conceited as you can get to doing a victory salute!
Fantastic post! hehehe
I love the religous /crybaby references too…
Keep up the great work!
Flecha wins the salute race.
where the hell is the picture of Vanessa saluting? Forget all these hot men. SHOW ME VANESSA!!
who’s Vanessa? Send a pic and we’ll post it
Love it.
Best Post Ever
Love it. However, if I tried ANY of these, I’d fall down and humiliate myself. Then again, I’m not a GUY!
Brilliant post :-)
Some years ago I recall repeatedly watching an amazing victory salute by Eric Dekker (I think) during a TdF stage win.
It was fantastic: he had the basic arm position as seen in the Pettachi classic gesture but he flipped his head right back while moving his jaw forward thereby opening his mouth incredibly wide (his dentist must have loved the range of motion of his jaw)
He did the whole head/jaw motion backwards and forwards a few times, and it was so very animated that as I watched it back on video it seemed to be by far the most distinctive and eye-catching part of the finish despite the frenzy of sprinting going on all around.
One of the best ever sport blog posts!
Simply amazing!
Cheers, Marcos
You need to add a new category of salute now, “the telephone call”. Did you see it done by Mark Cavendish when he crossed the line in Stage 3 of the Tour de France yesterday? A salute to honour the sponsor HTC. Imagine if he did it every time he crossed the line. Wrongtown.
Interesting…looks like to took on someone else’s idea. As it stands, the original victory salute post is still the Lore of the Victory Salute. http://cozybeehive.blogspot.com/2007/12/lore-of-victory-salute.html
Thanks John. Someone did point this out to me after the fact as well. I got the idea from the “official rules of the euro cyclist” and took it a step further on one of their “rules”. I didn’t realize it had already been done by the cozybeehive until after. I get enough people pointing out my mistakes and flaws that I didn’t want to add to it by knowingly ripping off someone else’s idea. ;-)
I’ll bet that I’m not the first one to write anything that I’ve posted on this site. I’ve found that the internet is not as big of a place and you first think, and if you rip off other people’s ideas someone will call you on it within hours. If anything is knowingly taken from somewhere else, I always state it.
Looks like you did borrow a bunch of ideas from the previous post.
both are good posts.
Love this!
wow,… hebat ! bravo !
OK, without the Cavendish, D'z Nuts Salute victory celebration this article is just incomplete.
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