Your 2011 Cycling Horoscope

Jens before he puts the hammer down. Photo by Leigh Schilling

Aries (20 Mar–20 Apr)

As an Airies, you love to ride lots, have heaps of energy, you’re impulsive and open to change and new cycling experiences. You are also prone to accidents involving high speeds and tend to get yourself into sticky situations when riding in bunches. Be careful out there Aries!

As an Aries you are going to absolutely smash it this year. All your hard work you did in 2010 will come to fruition in 2011.

Some amount of hurdles in luck would be present until May 2001. Mechanicals will occur at the wrong times and your partner will need to pick you up 100km from home. Carry a saddle bag with a chain break and 2 extra tubes with you. This bad luck will give way to better rides and races after May.

As per the 2011 Aries Horoscope you will find your best form between the period of May and November. It would be useful plan some good events during this period to get some good results. Be cautious about racing over-aggressively and flexing your muscle too early. Your form will be good and you cannot show your cards too early.

Taurus (21 Apr–20 May)

As a Taurus you are a rebel, stubborn, determined and resistant to change. You are both fierce and gentle. You have a tendency to get yourself in the right moves and capitalise every time to get a win. Your ambitions in cycling tend to be more spiritual than material.  Think Simon Gerrans.

Let’s just say that 2011 will be a “peculiar” year for the Taurus. Actually, I won’t sugarcoat it. 2011 is going to be a shithouse year. Distractions, work, family and all the rest will get in the way of your riding. That said, the cycling gods are training you for higher and better things to come. This year will go into preparing for new and positive events that are bound to come towards the end of the season. The year on its own will be best when you are planning ahead. No immediate gains or windfalls would come easily, although a couple of large events have to happen as a precursor to the good results to come in the future.

Gemini (21 May–20 Jun)

As a Gemini you are energetic, a smart tactician when racing, and reacts on your mind rather than your emotion. You are extremely adaptable to new and unexpected situations when racing. You have massive lungs  which gives you exceptional endurance. Be careful as you are prone to accidents while riding. Think Eddy Merckx, Mark Cavendish (except for the massive lungs part), Tyler Farrar, or Matty Lloyd.

2011 will be a landmark year, where much of your past aspirations and efforts would be rewarded with some great achievements and results. You will find the year will become progressively better as the season advances.

You will find new love in June 2011. This will be in the form of a major carbon fiber purchase in the form of wheels or frame. In time you will get over some emotional feelings towards your old ride. Don’t let her go completely though. She will serve you well in training.

According to the Gemini Horoscope you will face some unsteady trends with your riding mates after the 31st June. This could be because of jealousy of your new carbon fiber purchase.

Cancer (21 Jun–21 Jul)

As a Cancer you posses a very shrewd mind. This translates to bike racing amazingly well. Cancers are best when surrounded by the familiar. Think Robbie McEwen.

The Cancer Horoscope 2011 would hold a fantastic cycling season for you. Hard work would be rewarded until the May 2011. After May until the rest of the year your form will go up and down. Playing it smart will still get you great results and hide the dips in your fitness. Be careful with overtraining. Having good form is sometimes a trap. It feeds your motivation and it’s easy to go off the deep end. Take a rest in July and build back up in August.

Luck will favor you this year. You will partake in an overseas cycling trip which will bring happiness for yourself but not your partner who you left behind at home. A gift equal in value to your partner will get your relationship back on track.

Leo (22 Jul –22 Aug)

As a Leo you are old-school, fixed in opinion, generous and a powerful cyclists. Physical overexertion can sometimes cause problems – mainly in the back. Leo’s never do anything halve-assed. Think Allan Davis, Stuart O’Grady or Brad Davies (the only man alive who carries the ‘Jenus’ Zodiac sign).

The Leo Horoscope predicts that 2011 will be an average year, which would become better as the season progresses. You will start showing form once you get into May 2011.

The period until early May 2011 will be the most challenging phase of the year. Your thinking could be pessimistic. Stay on track with your training and keep it consistant. Some irrational decisions could emerge out of this thinking. Hiring a coach for these month will keep you on the straight and narrow.

Some distance with your riding mates will be inevitable this year. Your partner will be nagging you insisting that you are riding too much and it’s important to keep a balance with the family life.

Virgo (22 Aug–Sep19)

As a Virgo you are modest of your abilities on the bike, industrious and always seeking to know and understand. Virgo is the sign of work and self improvement. You are never good enough for yourself and you always strive to get better. You are a perfectionist who dissects in order to find all information available. This is sometimes the source of great stress. You also know what it means to suffer. Think Lance Armstrong, Jens Voigt, Greg Henderson, or Koen de Kort.

As per the Virgo Horoscope, 2011 will be a good year overall for you. There will be no groundbreaking acheivements, but you will be getting progressively better and closer to your goals. There will be personal challenges for you at various avenues, but you get some fantastic personal results due to your hard work and dedication.

Opportunities for results will be present on many occasions. All opportunities will be more open and effective till the May. Thereafter, you will find a dip in your luck. This is when you will start thinking about making unnecessary and expensive purchases in new cycling gear. Hard work and persistance will help you cross this potentially expensive period successfully.

Libra (20 Sep–21 Oct)

As a Libra you are very socially inclined, easy going, indecisive and prize beauty. Libras also love to party. Libras suffer from lower back strain but are explosive sprinters with amazing abilities in the tough-man races such as the Spring Classics. Think Baden Cooke or Tom Boonen.

As per the Libra Horoscope, 2011 would be a great year for you as a cyclist. New opportunities to keep things fresh with your riding will be presented. Beyond May, you will find new love in the form of your new dream bike. Your existing relationship with your old ride will have gone sour and all possibilities of warranty will be exhausted.

You will continue to dig deeper into your cycling slush fund and take an overseas holiday. Your loss of perspective with your riding will get your into trouble with your partner. It would be useful to remain calm and balanced in your outlook.

Scorpio (22 Oct–21 Nov)

As a Scorpio you are passionate, emotional, subtle, persistant and unyielding. You sometimes evoke anger in others and tempers can enrage others to the point of headbutting at 65km/hr during a bunch sprint. Think Mark Renshaw or Bernard Hinault.

2011 would be an exciting year for you. You’ll be riding like shite, but other opportunities will bring you to new highs. It’s not all bad.

2011 will be a year of mechanicals. You were fortunate last year with only a few punctures but this year nothing will go right. You will be very unpopular with your mates. It will be wise to do as much indoor riding as possible and stay as close to home as possible.

This will lead you to new relationship highs with your partner after May since you’ll be ready to pack in the bike for good. Finances will be at an all time low because you’re constantly at the shop getting things fixed. Don’t stress. You are unyielding, will carry on, and use this failed season as motivation to thrive in 2012. 2011 may be a good time to bless your wife with another child.

Sagittarius (21 Nov–20 Dec)

As a Sagittarius your legs are your prized possession. You are a freedom-loving, ambitious, generous, and seeker of challenge with energy to burn. Think Jan Ullrich or Ryder Hesjedal.

2011 would see karma back in your control after a dismal 2011. This year will be a mix of hard work, sustained pressure on yourself to perform, and finally a time to cash in those chips and win some races.

You need to ensure you remain on the right side of the UCI and the biological passport, since temptation could come up on a few occasions. As long as you don’t eat any tained beef, growth and gains would come slowly. All efforts made during this year will result in good results in September.

Capricorn (21 Dec–20 Jan)

As a Capricorn, you are an upstanding member of the peloton. Perhaps even the ‘Patron of the Peloton’. You are a quiet and reserved leader and use strategy instead of force. You are an opportunistic rider.

The Capricorn Horoscope predicts that 2011 will be a stepping stone towards great victories later in life. That’s a nice way of telling you not to put too many expectations on 2011. As they say, the pleasure is more in the journey than the destination. Similarly, you will also find the year exciting and fulfilling throughout. All you efforts would start culminating into positive events as the year draws to a close.

A lucky phase when a man holiday will arise in the middle of the year. Perhaps to the TdF or the Giro?

Your temperament could become erratic between January 2011 and June 2011 because of missed goals and expectations being too high. Just relax and don’t take it too seriously. Patience comes to those who wait.

Aquarius (21 Jan–19 Feb)

Aquarians are unconventional, sometimes eccentric and are often targets for attack by narrow-minded people. They have a tendancy to get into unusual situations and ride alone or with oddball individuals. Think Cadel Evans or Richie Porte.

The Aquarius Horoscope predicts that 2011 will be an excellent year, although you will experience hurdles and some pressures at nearly all steps before you get that big result you want so bad. The year will improve as you progress further into 2011.

Health and confidence could be low, despite an overall positive period. You could find hurdles could come frequently.

The year would open up with a good position in the pecking order of the peloton. You will enjoy yourself in the company of great rding mates and get in touch with old friends. It is a nice period overall.

You could be disappointed with domestic matters and the home you live in. You think you’re a big-shot PRO with all the success you’ve been having and your partner doesn’t know how to take tha. Keep it in perspective big-fella. Try to find comfort and satisfaction within your means.

Pisces (19 Feb–20 Mar)

Pisces is emotional, impressionable, adaptable and very changeable. You have beautifully shaped feet and you have a hard time finding cycling shoes that fit you and you’re always tinkering with your cleat positioning. Pisceans are also highly susceptible to alcohol and drugs and are often erratic. Think Abdu.

2011 would be a favorable year but injuries could build up as the year progresses. You’ve had a string of good years wihtout any problems and sometimes you simply have seasons plagued with injuries. 2011 will be one of these. This is a good season to bring everything back into perspective and realize you’re getting old. You can’t recover like you used to and crashes take longer to heal. Never say die though. It’s not how hard you fall, it’s how quicly you get back up.

This is a year of learning new skills. Maturing of perception is what will get you through those tough rides, not pure fitness and drive anymore. This will help bring peace and harmony in your riding.

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